Exhausted!

First day in Maryland we were exhausted. We didn't go to bed until 3:30 am. We woke up around 10:00am but we were just a mess! We slowly got ready and then headed to grammy and Pop Pop's house for the first time my kids and husband got to meet them, and the first time I had seen them in 10 years. Before we left for their house the bulldozer decided to take a rest on the floor by my Aunt Kim's giant dog.

The Princess fell asleep in Aunt Kim's arms-Aunt Kim was in heaven!!

Tomorrow I will post about Fort Mchenry!

Vacation

My amazing grandparents paid for us to go out to the east coast. All six of us boarded a plane excited for the trip ahead. I was so nervous that there would be nothing but meltdowns and crying. Thanks to all the pre-packed activities, the 2 flights out there and 2 flights back went fairly smoothly. We stayed for two weeks and visited lots of family and saw many different places. I will be posting about our excursions individually because there is so very much to post about! To start it off airport pictures. We arrived at our local airport very, very early. I was concerned that it would be busy and that the whole removing six pairs of shoes and then putting them back on was going to be time consuming. We were happy to not be rushed. We had packed peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches and after getting through security and making it to our gate we sat and enjoyed our lunch.

My Dad passed away

On February 17th. After my mom died he helped clean out her apartment and helped organize our garage with all of her stuff in it. Then about a week later he just didn't have the energy and would have to go back inside to go sit down. He went into the emergency room December 20th and they said he had pneumonia. He got out and started drooping weight. He went into the emergency room again January 14th and when I picked him up the next day I just started crying. He had lost 20lbs. in one month. We had the memorial service for my mom on the 17th of January and everyone could see that clearly my Dad was not doing well. On January 26th he had lost so much weight and was so weak that his legs could no longer hold the weight of his body and he began using a wheelchair. On the 29th my husband took him to a doctor's appointment in Loma Linda and they admitted him-we were hoping they would. On Feb 1st I went to visit him and he had many tests scheduled-a lung biopsy, a bone scan and a liver biopsy. On Wednesday he called me with the results. He had lung cancer that had spread throughout his body- it was in his liver, pancreas and bones. It was incurable and untreatable and he only had weeks to live. Two days later his sister came out to visit and she stayed for two days. I wanted to move Dad closer to our house but I knew that he had a few friends visiting him there. They had gone and watched the Superbowl with him and that brightened his day. After I asked him if he wanted to move and be closer to us or stay and be closer to his friends he said I want to move! So I immediately filled out paperwork to get him moved. The next day, Friday Feb 12th my Husband drove out there and moved him 5 minutes from our house. It was perfect timing because my Dad's other three kids from North Carolina were coming on Valentines day. His kids are 18, 16, and 11. He was so happy to have them visit. By this time he was very confused and he thought we were going to take him with us. He also stopped eating. They left on Tuesday morning the 16th. Later that morning I went to visit him but he was fast asleep. I went back later that afternoon and I was so happy to see that he was in his wheelchair and looking out the window. I had three kids with me and after about 15 minutes they started making too much noise and we said goodbye. I wish I would have taken him outside with us but I didn't think of it. Later after my husband got out of school he stopped by to go see him and he was asleep. My husband told him thank you for all he has done for us and that he was a good man and that he loves him. In the morning at 7:30 I heard my cell phone ringing and I went running to it but missed the call. When I saw the number I knew it was hospice. I returned the call and the nurse said that William has expired. I just broke down crying. Dad died in his sleep within an hour of them finding him.
So now I am trying to work through all of these emotions of losing both my parents within 2 1/2 months of each other.

A Positive thought...

This is a poem Brad wrote today as a way to deal with his grief. He was at the library looking out the window at the golf course and it was surrounded in caution tape and it made him think of my mom. Although there was no actual crime and no caution tape, he said that he felt it was a crime that she went so suddenly. He said he felt like she was robbed of her life. The final thought of the poem keeps his mind positive and hopeful for what's after this life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did-it made me cry because it is so true!



Floating yellow strands, with cold, black letters
Line the doorway of your dark, empty place.
“Not for the weak of heart,” the tape mutters,
As it flutters, like a slap in the face.
But the words don’t hurt anymore, because
The sun is still shining from heaven’s lap--
To remind how He has washed all your flaws,
How anyone can dodge the devil’s trap.
Burn on us now, and show us, the path:
That the bleakness of The Fall was usurped
By the power and glory of His death.
Hand in hand, go from the devil decerpt,
And let the tears be happy memories
Of a life, once in bondage, that is free.

Unimaginable

I still truly cannot believe that my Mom is gone. I keep thinking "I should call her and ask her about this picture" or "Why I am taking all her stuff she's not going to have anything left". I keep saying to myself that it's not really happening but then I get a flash of the image of her when I found her and I realize that it is very real. I am sort of numb today, haven't cried much like the other days-it's almost like I have no more tears left. My Husband and his 2 friends are bringing her furniture to my Garage and my Dad is cleaning her apartment. I look into my garage and her entire life is stuffed haphazardly into it. Things are piled on top of things and I keep walking in there and just staring at the things that filled her apartment, the things that accumulated form her 61 years of life. She lived in her apartment for 20 years-I lived there for 8. She has things that were mine, things that I rolled my eyes at when I found out she still had them and told her she was goofy for keeping them-they are now things I wouldn't give up for anything in the world. I checked her e-mail and her cell messages nothing interesting. However when I checked her outgoing calls she had called Urgent Care two days before she died and talked for 1 min 18 secs. I don't know what was said but it makes me sad to think she was bad enough to look into it 2 days before her death but ignored what her body was telling her. I miss her terribly and I am still wondering if it's true...I hope not.

I was just about to push publish when I thought "oh I should call my Mom and tell her I posted." It made her day when I would blog, she checked it everyday and unfortunately I barely blogged, I wish I would have been better. It brought her such joy.

Update

Hey Everyone-

This is Kelly, Kristen asked me to write a quick update for all of you with regards to her mom.

The Coroner called and it looks like nothing obvious led to her passing. They are doing a toxology screen to make sure there weren't any lethal amounts of anything in her system, which they said is very unlikely-they just have to check. Most likely she passed away from an infection and combined with everything, her body just shut down.

Brad and Kristen are going through her apartment now and making decisions and arrangements. Please continue to pray for their family!

My Mom passed away yesterday

It was completely unexpected and I am stunned that this has happened. She was sick a couple days before thanksgiving with a fever and cough and her fingers and toes were getting numb. I told her she needed to go to the doctor but she said she'd be fine. Then yesterday she called at 11:15 and sounded terrible and could barely talk and was wheezing she said she would go to the emergency room but wanted to wait a couple hours so she could rest. She said she would call me at 3:30. After me freaking out and getting upset she asked me to just please wait -she wanted to be able to walk into the ER. She didn't call me at 330 so I started calling her her phone was off . I had her neighbor go over and bang on the door and nothing. He got a key from the manager of the apartments and we went in together at 600 and she was very much gone. The EMT said she had been gone since about 12:30. We are fairly certain it was pneumonia but they are doing an autopsy to confirm.