Unimaginable

I still truly cannot believe that my Mom is gone. I keep thinking "I should call her and ask her about this picture" or "Why I am taking all her stuff she's not going to have anything left". I keep saying to myself that it's not really happening but then I get a flash of the image of her when I found her and I realize that it is very real. I am sort of numb today, haven't cried much like the other days-it's almost like I have no more tears left. My Husband and his 2 friends are bringing her furniture to my Garage and my Dad is cleaning her apartment. I look into my garage and her entire life is stuffed haphazardly into it. Things are piled on top of things and I keep walking in there and just staring at the things that filled her apartment, the things that accumulated form her 61 years of life. She lived in her apartment for 20 years-I lived there for 8. She has things that were mine, things that I rolled my eyes at when I found out she still had them and told her she was goofy for keeping them-they are now things I wouldn't give up for anything in the world. I checked her e-mail and her cell messages nothing interesting. However when I checked her outgoing calls she had called Urgent Care two days before she died and talked for 1 min 18 secs. I don't know what was said but it makes me sad to think she was bad enough to look into it 2 days before her death but ignored what her body was telling her. I miss her terribly and I am still wondering if it's true...I hope not.

I was just about to push publish when I thought "oh I should call my Mom and tell her I posted." It made her day when I would blog, she checked it everyday and unfortunately I barely blogged, I wish I would have been better. It brought her such joy.